What are you doing here?

My back woke me up about 4 am, which turned into a blessing as I spent an hour praising and thanking God.
Not, I have to admit, for the sore back. But looking at the big picture, for the myriad blessings he pours into my life day by day. His ways are not our ways, and yet I have to proclaim that his timing is perfect. It isn't ever quite what I might choose, but with hindsight, I can see his hand in so many of the big traumatic moments in my life.
I also have to admit that I didn't find that hour easy. I kept veering off, imagining various scenarios. What if I can't change my return ticket? What if this; what if that? Eventually, after reining my thoughts back into line numerous times and finally enjoying that space where you can just be, like a weaned child, peaceful in God's presence, I fell asleep for another hour.
My Bible reading when I next awoke was about Elijah running away, and God's gentle nursing him back to health but also asking him twice what he was doing hiding in a cave. What are you doing here?
After listening to Elijah's excuses, God gave him a friend to be a co- worker alongside of him.
I guess I kind of felt a bit beleaguered too. Not like Elijah. Nobody is trying to kill me. But just with trying to understand a system and be kind but firm and wise, trusting God to help me make good decisions. And God provided friends alongside of me, praying me into the peace of Christ.
James wrote a letter and said whenever we don't feel wise, we are to ask God for wisdom and then trust that he has given it, and go ahead and make decisions with confidence. That is where I am at now. Despite a frustrating day filled with hours hanging on hold on the end of a phone, I did accomplish those things I needed to do. I did make decisions. I am moving forward in faith, so so grateful for the prayers of many. I can feel the prayers, and I am experiencing the peace.
The peace of Christ.
So, when God asks me what I am doing here when I awaken tomorrow morning, I will be bold in saying, I am listening to You, doing my best, and trusting You to make up the shortfall.
Thanks be to God.
Thank you, Lord.