This morning I have bounced back to a previous art
journalling collage – back to the broken alabaster jar. And as I looked at the
broken bits in the picture, I realised how many shards point up. How easy it is
to blame God for my brokenness.
First Martha, then Mary, spoke the same first words to Jesus
after Lazarus had died. ‘If only you had been here…’
Ouch. Broken bits pointing to heaven. Pointing a finger of
reproach, of accusation. If you had been here. No wonder Jesus cried. Of course
he cried tears of anger at the power of death, but he also cried tears of grief
and sorrow with his dear friends, and probably tears of disappointment that the
sisters felt abandoned, let down, by him.
‘If only you had been here…’
On my collage are the declaratory words of Jesus, his
promise to us: ‘I will never leave you.’ Never. Leave. You. Trust. Let go.
As I navigate my brokenness this morning, (aware that I am
not even aware of all the brokenness in me), I offer up those sharp shards of
disappointment, of silent accusation, of reproach. Where I have felt let down
by God. Where I have wondered where he was. ‘If only …’
As glass is ground down to be recycled into a beautiful or
functional new object, so I offer these shards to you, Jesus, this morning,
that you would grind away the sharp accusations – some unspoken and maybe not
even acknowledged by me – and transform my understanding. Fill me with the joy
of your salvation, as I hear again your words, ‘Behold, I am making all things
new.’
Trust. Let go. ‘I will never leave you.’
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