Break it Up!

 

For the last few days, I’ve been amused by the flock of pheasants harvesting their breakfast from the stubble of the field round our house. I counted over twenty this morning.

When I returned a few hours later, the farmer was just finishing ploughing it up. What are the pheasants going to eat now?, I wondered. Well, they’re all back, and they’ve brought their friends. As I watch them out there, I realise how little I know.  They are probably grateful to the farmer for serving them up a feast of wriggly treats.

‘Break up your unploughed ground,’ Hosea advised. ‘for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you.’

God doesn’t want to feed us worms, he wants to feed us his life-giving word. But so often, I am too busy, too world-weary, too self-absorbed, too jaded to receive what he has for me. Help me, Lord, to take time to break up my fallow ground, those bits of me which have become hardened and impenetrable. Help me to open myself to you, looking to you for sustenance, encouragement and protection.

 … ‘Because you have depended on your own strength … the roar of battle will rise against your people…’

I depend on you, Jesus. Help me to depend on you fully, and not on my own paltry efforts.

 

 

In Secret

 

Returning from our morning prayer walk, Don and I paused to listen to the birds. How often it’s easy to hear a bird singing, but not see it in the canopy of branches and leaves overhead.

The trilling song was beautiful as the hidden bird raised her voice in praise and worship. Jesus said to go into your room and close the door when you’re going to pray. Praise and worship and prayer are powerful in congregation with other believers, but there is also something very special about stealing away into a quiet place, alone with the lover of your soul.

May we all find, or make, space for such a rendezvous every day.

Red Carpet

 

Autumn winds have rolled out the red carpet in our garden. A red carpet which is the centre of attention, rather than glamourous actors posing for publicity. A red carpet to be admired for itself.

The beauty of autumn! I just love it. (Yes, Doug, even when the leaves have fallen…messy as it may get!)

I’ve been praying the Ephesians 3 prayer over Mom. ‘I pray that out of his glorious riches he (Jesus) may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith.’

I’ve been praying that Mom’s faith, so challenged by circumstances, would strengthen enough that she could roll out the red carpet for Jesus to really dwell in peace, power and light in her inner being, despite these limitations she’s struggling with. I’ve been praying that she could recover her glow for God, and once again be a beacon of light and hope for those around her.

Last night I had a joyful moment of speaking with her on the phone. It was the old Mom back, telling me what a wonderful day she was having, mainly because she had just enjoyed a delicious bit of chocolate ice cream cake.

Never doubt the power of prayer to change situations. May she continue to glow for God until that moment that he embraces her home.

Set Free

 

Yesterday, I started a new discipline which I will try to keep up. A ten-minute walk before breakfast. I read it helps with sleep issues, and I did sleep better last night.

This morning dawned gloriously. I headed towards the dawn, trying to find words to describe the clusters of clouds, both fluffy and torn, offering their moist molecules to the beams of the rising sun. Hues of rosy pinks, shades of greys, and glows of gold made the sky spectacular and praise for our creator God rose easily within me.

Then I turned back, and over the Hill of Fare slumped a solid rug of a cloud in deep grey, almost black. None of the glory of the sunrise behind me seemed to call out colour or beauty. The cloud just sat there, oppressive and still.

A simple picture this morning of the critical importance of perspective. May I keep my eyes fixed today on the Lord Jesus Christ. May I match my mood with the hope and peace he offers us; may I resist the slump of world news, the temptation to speak and act as if God has lost control.

I am still thinking of Paul in prison, chained by those loyal to a brutal regime capable of cruel excesses, writing such soaring prayers for the church he knew so well in Ephesus. For all who are in situations they didn’t choose, I pray that God will reveal the incredible height and depth, width and breadth, of Jesus’ love for them today, that their spirits may soar with His Spirit. I am praying that for my dear Mom. Set our spirits free, that we might worship thee. Amen.

Autumn is passing too fast!

 

Autumn is passing too fast. The rich russets and golds, oranges and browns are piling up, gathered in clumps round the garden by strong winds and left in those heaps to moulder into black, slimy hillocks.

And so in life. When those golden years of retirement begin to drop into months or years of what may appear as uselessness, when age and infirmity steal all vestiges of dignity and choice, it may appear that life is black and slimy.

I was reminded yesterday that Paul wrote his letter to the Ephesians while in chains in a Roman prison. What a role model for us! While he was in a situation not of his choosing, where choice was lost and dignity stolen, his spirit soared to such heights that he could write the incredibly inspiring prayers we have. This is the second one in the letter:

For this reason, I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches, He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high in deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen  Ephesians 3:14-21

Amen! May we all be so strengthened today, especially those for whom life is extremely tough right now. 

QR Gospel

 

This is the day of the QR Code. I’ve noticed it more here in LA than back in Banchory. Every announcement about an event at the church I attended pointed the interested participant to check out the QR Code.

Now I do know how to use a QR Code, but I am in that generation that prefers to receive information without having to use a device to get it.

I wonder how Jesus would structure a sermon today? ‘I am the bread of life,’ he might declare, ‘and if you don’t understand that, just check out the QR code on the bottom of your bulletin.’

Or maybe, if faced with a hungry crowd of thousands who’d listened all day to him sharing the secrets of the Kingdom of God, he’d direct his disciples to display the QR codes for nearby eateries.

Just a bit of fun before I fly.

Halloween Part 2

 

Still a bit haunted by Halloween.

It’s easy to see the plastic skeletons posed all over people’s lawns and porches, and wonder what the homeowners are thinking of. But I just read 1 Cor 10:12-13, ’So if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!’

It made me wonder what skeletons lurk on the lawns and porches of my thoughts?

I may not be scared (any more) by plastic skeletons, but plenty of things invoke fear. This whole situation with Mom is fraught with fears of various kinds: finance and the future are the main ones. But fear is the denial of faith, and so once again I come to God for assurance that He is in control, and all will be well, all manner of things will be well.

Jesus, for the joy set before him, could face and see beyond the cross. Lord, bless Mom with vision to see beyond the cross she is bearing right now. May she move from the overwhelming helplessness and pain into a place of anticipation of all that’s coming, beyond the cross. May I, too, occupy that place of peace and joy, anticipating the great things Jesus has in store.

Skeletons in the Yards

 

On my regular walks down to the beach from the street I park on, I counted ten skeletons in the front yards. One or two are giants, towering over the average person, fixed in threatening poses. Plus three witches, gathered round a cauldron, and numerous spider webs. I’m glad I’m not with my grandchildren, who would be terrified.

It’s not a case for Rumpole (whose stories I’ve been enjoying while sitting beside Mom’s bed).

Halloween is coming, and in this Christian country it is amazing to see so many people happy to celebrate the dark side. To see it as just a bit of harmless fun.

We are all made up of such a mish-mash of ideas and thoughts, many of which are bland and tasteless, but others which can taint our spirits and twist our vision so our understanding is distorted and false.

On this Sunday morning, as I get ready to go celebrate Jesus as Saviour and Lord, I pray for clarity of thought and attitude. I lift Jesus higher.

In this scary season, may our fun be harmless and our joy be in the Lord, today and always.

Out in Joy and Peace, I pray

 

“Am I in a situation not of my own choosing?”

This question was posed in yesterday’s Lectio on Jeremiah 29:1, 4-7.

“Am I resentful? What if God wants me here?”

This is not the same post as yesterday’s, when I was filled with such a sense of serenity and peace, strong to entrust God with the details of this hard situation.

Tonight I’m praying through a tough day, when the detail of life as Mom is experiencing it now was just hard. When confusion led to temper flares, and my patience was tested and faltered.

Then I came back and read through the verses a dear friend gave me this morning, from Isaiah 55:8-9:

‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’

Boy, rarely have those words rung so true!

But then comes the promise in verse 12:

‘For you shall go out in joy, and be led back in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall burst into song, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.’

Roll on that blessed day. Lead on, Lord Jesus.

And in the meantime, Lord, equip Mom, and equip me, to accept the situation you allow to continue. May we both ‘have power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.’ Ephesians 3:18-21

 

 

The Divine Signature

 

“Am I in a situation not of my own choosing?”

This question was posed in today’s Lectio on Jeremiah 29:1, 4-9.

“Am I resentful? What if God wants me here?”

I am praising God for seeing me and revealing to me more clearly what my attitude and response should be. I am a captive in this situation not out of duty, but out of choice, because of my deep love for my amazing mother. But more than that, I am a captive in this situation because God wants me in it. And the situation will last as long as he has purpose in it.

I can entrust him with the rising financial obligations that come with increased care needs. I can hold before the throne of grace all the staff who work hard and with kindness for low salaries. I can petition against a capitalist attitude in the organization’s management, which sees a care home as a business, not a service.

And I can pray for dear Mom, who is certainly in a situation not of her choosing. That even in her limited understanding, she would be content and at peace as she trusts in God.

Lord, remove any knots of resentment in Mom and me. Enable us to relax into your everlasting arms, pray with faith and hope, and look with eager expectation for your divine signature writ large across each day.

Murky Twilight but the Dawn is Coming

 

After a walk along the beach, I sank onto a bench and just sat and stared. Under a heavily clouded / foggy sky, the ocean reflected shades of grey. The crashing surf pounded into white foam where it met the fine sand. A father and his wee girl capered on the beach: their laughter echoed back to me, a lovely balm.

A ghostly sun tried valiantly to break through the clouds, without success.

I sat on and stared as a cohort of pelicans, that most prehistoric of looking birds, swooped low over the waves. I’ve yet to see one dive and catch its dinner, but they are on the lookout for sure.

Before my walk, I’d spent several hours sitting with Mom. Such a blessing for us both. We could feel Jesus near, and she even said her goodbyes as she said how excited she was for heaven, and that we will be together there forever, with everyone else who has gone before. Then she’d pursed her lips and we kissed goodbye. She slept – and woke up a little later, chatting and strong still.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. Jesus shines in the murky twilight of life, and one day – sooner or later – he will light Mom up and embrace her into the kingdom. I just hope it’s when I’m sitting with her.

 

Supports

 

When Moses' arms grew tired, Aaron and Hur brought a stone for him to sit on, while they stood beside him and held up his arms, holding them.

 

I woke up thinking about this story from Exodus. I am receiving so many encouraging messages, prayers, pictures, ideas, phone calls, suggestions as I walk through these days with Mom. Getting delicious meals cooked for me and good company with my cousin and his wife. My every need is met.

I am feeling so grateful that I have my own Aaron and Hur on either side of me, and a 'stone' to sit on. You all know who you are, and from the bottom of my heart, thank you. God bless you.

So grateful

 

Feeling grateful.

A couple of weeks ago, I shared an insight God gave me on my way to my beach retreat. ‘You can’t go up a hill in top gear,’ I heard him say as I downshifted on a rising slope. Praise God for preparing me for what was to come.

I am on a rising slope, here in California again. Mom fell and broke her hip, has had an operation, which she came through, albeit confused and ornery. Who wouldn’t be ornery? She can’t see, can’t think, hurts, and doesn’t understand.

Soon she will be moved back to her own bedroom, where hospice carers will take over her care. But for that to happen, I had to remove her Queen bed to make way for a hospital bed. I reached out in all directions for help with this one, truly downshifting. I eventually had to pay someone to take away a perfectly good bed. Charities here won’t accept beds.

When the hospital bed arrived, I had to dash out for single bed sheets. Twice, because I forgot to buy a mattress protector.

Between times, I’ve been tidying up for Mom – putting picture albums back together, taking some pictures with me. Nostalgic and sad.

This walking Mom home has been a very long and gradual incline. Incline. Perhaps I should write decline, as she has declined, (and probably so have I!), but as we’ve lurched and staggered forward, we have been blessed to see God at work in so many details. He has been with us every step of the way. I can’t believe the number of things I’ve had to arrange over the last ten years which have dragged me out of my comfort zone. But the three of us, Mom, me and God – and a small team of family and friends – are still walking – well, at least I am, Mom is bed-bound unless she can be persuaded to do some physio. And I know God has not abandoned us now. He will see us safely home.

Life is a challenge, but with God there is the joy of seeing his hand in myriad ways.

So grateful.