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Monday, 23 April 2012

Who am I to be doing this?

Monday morning and I’ve made a LIST. 

It’s as long as my arm and if I’m honest, I know I don’t have much hope in getting them all checked off today. Or ticked off, as they say in Britain – but to me that still has connotations of being annoyed with someone. I check things off my list, rather than tick them off. But I digress.

It’s hard to discern on a list of 25 actions, which is the most important. Where do I start? Some are obvious – put the wash on because the sun is out, though now that the load has finished, it’s raining again. Darn!

Others happen at certain times. Cook dinner. Make various phone calls which need to be made later in the day, when certain people are up on the other side of the world. 

When I finish some things, I can check them off with assurance that they are finished for today. Walking the dog. Ironing. But other things linger on. 

Today the big lingerer is practicing what I am going to say when I lead the Time for Reflections in the Scottish Parliament on Wednesday. It’s not that I am free to make any changes to my script, because it had to be approved two weeks ago. But now that I’m trying to memorize it, how can I be sure that I have it nailed? I’m nowhere near there yet, but will I know when I am?

More disturbingly, doubts tickle the edges of my mind. ‘This is pretty mundane.’ ‘Nothing profound nor even interesting in what you’re saying.’ ‘They will have heard it all before.’

So I’m getting a case of the Jeremiah jitters. The Moses doubts. Who am I to be doing this?

And the answer is obvious. I’m nobody. But I’m counting totally on my Saviour to take the paltry words I have to say and imbue them with life and power, so that those who hear the words, hear his voice speaking through them. And when they hear his voice, I pray that they will be inspired to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly before God.

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